happiness should feel like…

Hi friends, thank you for visiting my page even though I am the worst at posting every week! I received an overwhelming amount of love and support following my last post: it was my most viewed, most liked, and most shared post on WordPress since I started this thing! (I even had someone from the U.K. reach out about it so that’s pretty awesome???) Anyways, thank you all for reading this amateur blog and for those of you pretending to care about what I write, thank you 1000x more because sometimes that’s harder than actually liking it!

Anyways, I’ve been thinking pretty hard about what to write since my last post. I didn’t know if I should keep it light hearted, or if I should just follow the heavy, emotional trend and really drag you all down with me. (Don’t worry, I decided against that one.) Last night I actually had someone ask me a question about how I was doing and it sparked my creativity a little. They literally asked, “how is your heart?”

Can I just say… that is the most sincere way I have every been asked how I was doing? I told him it was “pretty good.” Healthy, satisfied with life, it loves a lot of people and things in life so really what is there to complain about? Truthfully I never gave much thought to what defines a happy heart until now. Sure, in my positive psychology class or in my therapy sessions when asked “How would you define happiness?” my mind automatically goes to family, friends, love, health, and dogs. Super straightforward, super vague, not incorrect. But really when this person asked “Does satisfied mean you’re really happy though?” I didn’t have an answer. So I was up until 3 or so trying to figure out what happiness should be like. And my final consensus is that there is no right way to be happy, as long as you are. But there are things to consider, so here’s a small list to name a few:

  1. A person can make you happy, but if all of your happiness stems from a single person, you’re only hurting yourself. You should be able to find happiness in all the people in your life, and not have the risk of losing all of your happiness if you lose a single person.
  2. If you can’t be happy on your own and with yourself, that is a portion of your life you may need to work on. As the wise philosopher Beyoncé once said, “When you’re alone all by yourself, and you’re lying in your bed– reflection stares right into you, are you happy with yourself?” ARE YOU??
  3. If you are pretending to be happy in a situation because it makes others happy, (your significant other, family, friends) just stop, that’s silly and pretending is hard!
  4. If you have something in your life that is eating at you, something negative, something that is hurting you, don’t avoid it. Don’t attempt to burn the bridges and move on, because I guarantee until you face that situation and make peace with it, you will not truly be happy nor satisfied with yourself.
  5. If you see someone else is happy, don’t let the bitterness inside you ruin that for them. Feed people’s positive energy, try to genuinely support them. Allowing bitterness, judgement, or sadness about your own circumstances to ruin others’ happiness will not make you a happier person.
  6. That being said, if things aren’t going so well, if you’re drowning, if you feel depressed, angry, or hurting in any way, happiness may be hard to find. It be hard find happiness when you are in such a state of unhappiness. And that is okay– the effort you put into yourself each day will make it easier. There are tons of people you can talk to, and endless things you can do for yourself to strengthen your heart and mind.
  7. One more thing, you actually have control over a lot in your life, believe it or not. If something or someone is making it hard to be happy, or even just trying to control your happiness, take that steering wheel away from them. This is not their life to drive. If they need the boot, give them the boot. You deserve to be happy and to control your own life for goodness sake.

I hope I can open your mind a little bit about your own happiness and draw attention to what may need to change in your life! Remember, happiness shouldn’t be hard. It’s not a chore, it’s an ability. Something we should be able to do without trying– a gift. So, live in the moment, set goals, forgive, forget, embrace simplicity, give up on perfection, and don’t fret over the past. Plan ahead for a future that revolves around your happiness. And then when someone asks you, “how is your heart?” You can say, “It’s amazing. It’s at peace, it’s strong, and it’s happy.”

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