Here’s to the me that I lost, and found again

Hi everyone and happy Sunday! I’m hoping most of you reading are enjoying your 4 day weekend! This post has been in my drafts for a long time. I have written it, edited it, deleted the whole thing, and started completely over. Truthfully the original post was really sad, digging deep into negative feelings I had for a period of time. I try to avoid opening up about situations/people that have hurt me, mostly because I want to avoid those negative emotions completely. In this case, I can’t pretend that they didn’t exist or change me. I can’t pretend that for a period of time I lost myself. So buckle your seat belts and listen up.

I’ve received tons of messages asking if I could open up about relationships in my blog. Each time I’ve just said, “maybe one day!” I was NOT READY to even give that a thought. Why would I want to talk about something that was bad on my blog, which is promised to overflow with positivity? However, this is a place of pure honesty, and since I promised that from the very first post, I’m not only doing myself an injustice, but all 700 of you who have viewed my blog an injustice too by not being honest. So here’s the ugly part:

Yes, I had a breakup. It was awful. But in a strange way liberating. (Did I just say that?) I won’t deny that I had days where I cried and yelled and sometimes both. It hurt quite a bit. The truth is people are harsh. Just embed that into your head now. People will say things about you, question your intentions and your character, they will talk bad about your life because they aren’t happy with their own. And this kind of behavior comes out a lot during a breakup or even a fight with a significant other or friend. It is inevitable that people involve themselves. These are the people you pray for, not prey after. Avoid blaming. They will always have things to say, so let them. They will always take sides, LET THEM. That’s none of your business. Not. Your. Problem. Making it your problem only hurts your sanity and you’ll never truly heal. Avoid being angry at the other person. Finding it in yourself to remember the good and move forward with peace and forgiveness is one of the most rewarding things you can do for yourself.

And truthfully, and yes this is the truth, one day I just woke up and said “Why am I so sad? I’m beautiful, genuine, and I have an amazing future ahead of me, I have GOALS.” I saw a future for once in my life revolving around me, revolving around my goals, revolving around my own happiness! That same day I registered for kickboxing (which OMG, best decision ever), I planned a spring break trip with my best friend, and yes, it felt oh so good.

What helps is looking back at how happy you once were, and then looking forward and understanding that if you were that happy once, you will be again. There is no “right way” to get through things that have hurt you. Some people can bounce back after one week, some people take months, and some can’t even think about moving on for up to a year. Go. At. Your. Pace. Heal in a way that works for you. Invest in your family, in your health, and in your mind.

As for my personal situation, I will never again say one negative thing about his character. Not one negative thing about his friends or his family. Our relationship was between the two of us. The (ugly) truth about loving someone is that you will feel everything good so immensely, and it will be incredible. But you will feel everything bad so much more. And don’t fret, this means you care.

What is important is allowing yourself to feel again. Allow yourself to laugh. Take in every good moment and use those moments to fuel your growth. And who knows what can happen? You may find your way back to each other, you may find someone new, you may find yourself. Know your worth, don’t wait for someone to decide if they love you, don’t wait for acceptance from anyone. Choose yourself. Love yourself. Smile at the fact that you’re going through something terrible and you’re waking up every day. You will actually move on and be fine and that is when they will miss how incredibly special you are. And it won’t happen right away.

As for me, I wasn’t okay for a period of time. To be honest, I didn’t think I would be. Time went by SO SLOW in that period of time. But it passed, and now I am doing great. I smile every day. I am surrounded by love. And that is the one thing I hope you take from my experiences. Time is a universal medicine that passes just the same for you, me, and for the person who hurt you. So let time pass, honey. It will get easier, then it will be okay again, and then it will feel like freedom.

2 thoughts on “Here’s to the me that I lost, and found again

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