Fresh off of 2017! New Years has always been the holiday for me that was more symbolic than anything. I always love the idea of a fresh start, and the feeling that everything is about to change, even though you have the exact same circumstances you had 24 hours ago in the previous year. It is FUN to have a symbolic “new beginning.”
I don’t know about you, but I spent the entire year trying to direct my life, creating my own circumstances, probably messing with God’s will without even realizing it. (Many of my posts have kind of hinted that I’m a perfectionist) but even then I spent many nights laughing, I spent a lot of money on things that made me happy, and I loved completely fearlessly despite having EVERY reason to be fearful. I made many new friends, took fun trips, drank good drinks, got good grades and smiled a lot. But here’s the thing…
I ALSO spent many nights crying. Many days stressed out. I got into arguments. I had days where I didn’t eat, days where I did eat and threw up. Days where I didn’t feel good enough, days I didn’t feel pretty enough, thin enough, happy enough (because being depressed is not allowed, right?) Days that I regretted loving so much because it left me broken. I HAD DAYS. BAD DAYS.
And the sad part is, many of those “bad” days were because of the frustration that came with losing control of my life. Not trusting the Big Man upstairs and letting life happen. A broken heart, a little bit of anxiety, and lack of understanding can hurt a person more than a lot of other things.
But here’s another thing… every bit of that mess led me to NYE, with my family, in the presence of people who love me endlessly. Every horrid experience that I absolutely despised about 2017 gave me the right to walk into 2018 and say “I went through some s*** last year, and I’m stronger than I’ve ever been.”
Let this year teach you lessons! I was determined to not allow 2017 to do me dirty because I would be damned if I entered 2018 with anything less than what I had last year. Now I look back at all of things I lost, the money, the people, the materialistic things…. and I’m gonna be honest I wish I still had it ALL. But I don’t have any of the things I lost. And it’s for a reason. I could sit and feel sorry for myself, I could beg people to love me again and come back into my life. I could work every day until I feel like I’ve made back all the money I wasted. But I won’t.
God put me right here. And he put you right there. You have that person in your life because He wants them there. You have that much money in your checking account because you will be okay with that much money for now. You aren’t God, and you can’t control every bit of your life. Once you realize that, then you will be able to truly celebrate the good.
I would love to attempt to read more, exercise more, drink more water, etc etc. What will I do instead? Be realistic. Love more. Be kind. Give. Not feel guilty about things. Not spend a single moment self loathing. Most importantly, I will just let God be God. I will let life happen and smile at the good, cry at the bad, work, laugh, and pray in between.
Don’t allow yourself to be angered at where 2017 left you… it left me a mess! And I woke up today, drank my coffee, and got to it. Don’t be scared off by the bad, be inspired by the good. Challenge yourself each day. And tell yourself that it’s all apart of a greater plan. If my silly, messed up heart can process that, imagine what yours can do. Happy new year!🖤